happy thanksgiving, plebs

2014 was a really tough year for all of us, and I know while you may look at us and go “damn, they’re living the lifestyle, those guys gotta be ballers” and while for the most part you’re right, it’s not all sunshine and daisies.

Do you think we like getting retweeted by a bunch of people we’ve never met before?
Do you think we appreciate people calling things we say “the funniest thing they’ve ever heard”?
Do you think that we can sleep comfortably at night after all the mean things we say to flotrack?

You bet your ass we do. I sleep so god damn well I’ve missed 3 of my girlfriends’ birthdays and two of them were on the same day.

I’ve already promised myself and several members of my family that 2015 will be a better year, but I’m about as big on commitment as Dave smith is on coaching white people.

So while next year will be filled with all the promise of a Michigan womens cross country season, it’ll most likely be filled with the disappointment of a Michigan womens cross country season as well.

I’m not trying to complain, I’m not Alberto Salazar at a U.S. Championship here. There’s a lot to be thankful for and I just wanted to use this space to say it. Without further ado, here’s a list of things we are thankful for here at DumbFlotrack:

~I’m thankful for the city of terre haute for being small and destitute enough to be able to dedicate a large plot of land for a cross country meet.

~I’m thankful for only one of the rosa twins running at nationals so I wouldn’t have trouble telling them apart.

~I’m thankful for Flotrack putting in as much effort to bring back “track shacks” as I did in telling my boss I’d stop drinking at work. Cheers.

~I’m thankful for the university of Portland for finishing 3rd at nationals with only 5 of 7 runners but to be fair, only 2 of Indiana’s top 7 showed up.

~I’m thankful for thanksgiving break for ending my cross country season before the stress fractures did.

~I’m thankful for east coast schools for giving out Kolas points like they’re fliers to their open mic night.

~I’m thankful for flotrack singing in their music videos so we finally have something more tone deaf than their articles.

~I’m thankful for the #WhyD3 hashtag for aggregating all the people on social media I shouldn’t take seriously.

~I’m thankful for the fanboys of track and field who have more women crush Wednesdays than women runners in the ncaa.

~I’m thankful for the people yelling at me from their cars when I’m on a run. But to be fair, if they’re really wanted to get under my skin, they could just start the UCSB Ole chant.

~I’m thankful for Shelby Houlihan for placing 9th at nationals and matching the average ACT scores of incoming Arizona State freshmen.

~I’m thankful for flotrack holding a beer mile in two weeks and for their interviews of professional athletes and their drinking tips. It’s going to take a lot of beer for me to blackout and miss the coverage of the race, but I’ll be trying my best.

~I’m thankful to the university of Colorado men for winning the national title for a second year in a row. I’d also like to thank “running with the Buffaloes” for once again being the book most people claim to have read without actually owning a copy.

~I’m thankful for the UCLA men’s cross country team for finishing 18th, matching the average age the last one of them set a PR.

~I’m thankful for Evan Jager’s hair which is about as robust as his ego.

~I’m thankful for #Sub4 and RunJunkie for setting the bar so low for the rest of us who provide coverage for the running world. Makes the job less stressful as we definitely know we aren’t the worst ones out there. If we used flotrack’s coverage to set the bar for Olympic High Jump, we’d all be Brigetta Barrett

~I’m thankful for Mt SAC for having hills that are steeper than the price of a monthly subscription to Flotrack Pro.

~I’m thankful for Matt Centrowitz for drafting enough dramatic subtweets so that I don’t have to come up with ways of my own to surreptitiously call out my ex-girlfriends.

~I’m thankful for Heps XC for being the true scapegoat the NCAA needs, but not the one it necessarily deserves.

~I’m thankful for Megan.

~I’m thankful for Doha for taking away the 2019 world championships from Eugene so that people can keep the delusions that Eugene is in fact a suitable place to spend your time alive.

~I’m thankful for gordonmack.com for showing us where all the competency (or lack thereof) that Flotrack videos have comes from.

~I’m thankful for FloTrackPro which deters me from watching ALL of Flotrack’s subpar content since it costs more than a plain white t-shirt that’s been designed by Kanye West.


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