I watched run junkie so you don’t have to

And I have some notes…

00:01 – so we immediately open with loud beeping which would indicate some sort of alarm, that alarm probably having to do with the fact that this guy with a hamburglar mask is wearing low cut running socks with his suit, which is honestly the first thing they tell you not to do at suit school (not a thing)

00:02 – Meg jumps up onto the a desk to get enough height to kick a guy with his arms spread wide (is he trying to hug her? Why is she pushing him away?) and launches hamburglar number two into what appears to be a bulletin board which he hits with enough force to hang onto the top of it, for some reason.

00:06 – in walks the most casual henchman I’ve seen of all time, I’m having a hard time believing what’s going on. So basically a siren is going off, two of his hambuddies are knocked out on the ground and this guy is walking with the demeanor of a person walking towards a bar bathroom, trying to not look like they’re walking into the bathroom because honestly you don’t want people to think that you use the bathroom at a bar

000:08 – Casual McCool guy then gets grabbed by the neck and proceeds to yell like he’s fallen off of a cliff. The sound clip here is called the Wilhelm Scream, a technique used by much greater directors than gordon with equally greater effect

00:12 – after a few more karate moves, we get to a shot of Taylor pointing at one of the hamburglar’s crotch as he lays on a table, I’m not sure the symbolism, but there’s something to do with the patriarchy I’m sure

00:14 – so our bearded hamburglar’s casually waiting in the background watching Meg roll backwards in a swivel chair before attempting to grab the swivel chair because it was probably about to hit the two dudes doing actual work in the corner and someone’s gotta keep tweeting out links to the UNM flovideos

00:20 – after some more punching and hitting and awkward faces Meg yells cut and for a second I thought that they were going to cut the bullshit and get into talking about running. This was a pretty big moment for me. I logged onto Twitter ready to delete the account, I had an email apology typed up to send out, and I texted my wife that I’d be spending more time at home.

00:27 – okay I shot the gun way too early on this one, the whole argument is staged, despite coming off as super organic. Meg doesn’t think that they should do the music video but Gordon brings up how popular the Bad Blood music video is (or was, you know considering that it came out in May)

00:38 – “I don’t think is a good idea.” – Meg Bellino (probably gonna be my yearbook quote)

00:42 – Gordon’s moleskine doesn’t have anything in it, which is kind of the way those notebooks work. It’s a really good way to say “I’m gonna need a notebook for this” get two pages into it, and then put it on your bookshelf to be a quarter inch wide book end you paid 18 dollars for because it said Hemingway used it (I’d like to take a moment here and say while he is one of the greatest if not the greatest American author of all time, just because Hemingway did something is probably a really good reason to not do something)

00:46 – it’s an NWA reference for a song they’ve now penned as “straight outta Boulder.” I’ll give them credit cause this joke is only a month old, which is much better than the 4 months on their bad blood reference.

00:48 – yo we’ve gotta look like NWA but sing about Boulder Colorado what should we do? Let’s put on a Tulane letterman jacket

1:03 – the kid with the braids in the hot Cheetos and takis music video had better flow than this, but maybe that’s why it’s Flo and not Flow cause no way they’re taking a W on this track.

1:10 – Meg stops it again. Says that it’s way too intense, they need to slow it down, which has me worried

1:20 – I literally have no fucking idea what’s going on right now

1:32 – uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

1:36 – hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

1:43 – hhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

1:48 – this really seems like a scene out of awful true detective fan fiction or just season 2 of true detective. Same difference.

1:53 – Lobo is the Spanish word for Wolf which I really pray to God came up in conversation while you spent time filming them for your video about foreign people in the NCAA

1:55 – this sounds like a kid trying to pretend to be his dad on the phone with his principal in that it’s not really what a deep voice sounds like, just what an 8 year old would think it does

2:26 – they’re not joking, this is their nationals pick. and it’s because of the accents. Don’t laugh.

2:28 – so this clip of Oregon dancing at nationals has probably been played 10 times over the course of flotrack’s videos since last cross country season but why hasn’t anyone asked why they were filming edward’s butt?

2:55 – not that I think he’s actually the real colonel sanders, but colonel sanders was born in henryville, Indiana. Not Louisville, KY.

3:11 – why does that NCAA participant medal keep popping up? Does someone not believe one of them that they ran at nationals?

3:16 – “This is so stupid, we can’t keep doing this.” – Lincoln Shryack, and the competition for my yearbook quote just started heating up.

I can’t believe I just sat through that. Even more shocking is that this is not a one shot take and upload. Someone came up with this idea, pitched it, spent several days writing, filming, and editing it. So many people along the way saw this and I cannot believe that at no point no one said “we shouldn’t do this” or “this is a terrible idea” or “why?” But then again, transformers has a fifth movie coming out in 2017, so what do I know?


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